The Marriage Advice

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50 Shades Of Grey

50 Shades Of Grey

The recent popularity of this book has gotten people interested in erotic literature. There are many reasons that women are drawn to this book.

What is all of the fuss about?

First, 50 Shades of Grey is a love story in a new context. The idea of bondage is something new to the mainstream. The writing is poor, but when has porn ever really been considered good literature?

It has all of the makings of a good love story; there is a love triangle, he is troubled, brooding, and has a bad past with secrets. He is a good man, he is loyal to Ana, he is compassionate, loving, strong, rich and presses her to communicate. The most appealing part of him is that he is emotionally present to her and he cares deeply about her.

Why women love romance novels?

Women in romance novels are lavished with attention and gifts by their male lovers. This is significantly different than the typical man who is emotionally unavailable. Many women find their men numbing themselves with TV, work, or alcohol and the women feel neglected. Some men are simply are not paying attention to their loved ones.

Emotional connection is a big deal to women. It is thrilling to have someone devoted to them. The very definition of foreplay is when a man is fully devoted to his partner. A romance novel is simply good foreplay!

For a woman, there is a lot of pleasure and power in simply being WANTED!

Why is it called "Mommy Porn"

Romance novels and erotica are usually considered trashy- this is not a new genre. "Mommy porn" is another way to demean women's sexual desire.

Of course, there is no "Daddy porn" because most porn is written for men and by men. Male arousal is like a switch and is very associative. Any stimulus can turn on a man. This is why men get obsessed with sex and are more likely to get addicted to porn and have fetishes.

Moreover, mainstream porn is made for the male ideal; women get turned on just as fast as he does, she always climaxes at the very same time as him, and he never has to talk to her about her needs and desires.

In reality, it can take a woman a full 20 minutes to get aroused. This can cause a lot of sexual shame in women who aren't familiar with the facts.

Bondage & Sadism

It is likely that Christian, one of the main characters in 50 Shades of Grey, has a diagnosis of sexual sadism and probably PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). This happens when a person can only get aroused when they inflict pain on another. It s usually rooted in sexual and physical abuse.

Generally, sadists are fixated on giving or receiving pain to such a degree most would not be able to sustain.

The bondage part of the book is appealing to women because many are a little voyeuristic and like to know what others are doing sexually that they wouldn't do themselves.

Women commonly fantasize about submission and men about dominance which can be played out between partners. Role-playing can improve a person's sex play if it is done respectfully with a lot of communication.


People are calling 50 Shades of Grey a gateway into Bondage and Sadism.

Women love it because of the love story and men can learn a lot about a woman's sexual desires from reading it.

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