All of us tend to feel angry once in a while, but we should not let this anger be inflicted on our loved ones. Whether or not they’re the reason why we feel mad or angry, we still should not let this anger come in between us, as this might damage our relationship. If we allow ourselves to explode on our partner all the time, we are continually hurting our relationship and this might lead to a heartbreaking end. With this, it is important to know that we CAN argue with our partner without damaging our relationship. We only gotta figure out how. Here are practical ways on how to argue without damaging your hardly worked-for relationship.
Learn how to stay focused on the current problem.
Men and women alike tend to stray from the current topic when they’re angry. We tend to incorporate other things that are not part of the problem, making them say things that need not be said. For example, when a wife wants to tell her husband that she thinks she is doing most of the work at home, and she feels like her husband “isn’t doing anything.” She tends to lash out and say, “I’m doing all the work here at home! You are so lazy, I can’t believe you can live with yourself! If not for me you will be living like a disgusting pig!” Adding in false accusations and insulting your partner can lead them to feel hurt and offended, thus increasing the risk of letting the relationship fall apart. Instead of this, she can calmly, concisely tell her husband the problem, and immediately offering her solution to the problem. That way her husband knows what’s going on, as well as how he can help solve the problem.
Avoid poking on your partner’s weak spot.
As their partner, you know your partner’s weak spot or “Achilles’ Heel.” You know their insecurities, and you know what can hurt his or her feelings. However, this doesn’t give you the liberty to use it and touch it when you’re in an argument, just so you can “win” it. Do not take advantage of their particular vulnerabilities just because you want to win your fight. Keep in mind that your relationship should be more important than your ego. If it is otherwise, then something must be wrong. Any type of arguing that involves insulting or causing your partner to feel worse about himself or herself is considered “fighting dirty.”
Hence, it is extremely important to think before we act and speak, especially during arguments. Often when we are in the middle of a fight, we tend to say things that we don’t mean, and end up hurting other people way more than we intend to. We must be careful with our speech because although in the end, we say that we didn’t mean what we said, we can never take it back and the impact it has on the other person will inevitably remain. If we calmly convey our point, then we will increase our chances of getting what we want and achieve the goal of letting your partner know the problem without ensuing a pointless fight.
Avoid the extremes and giving ultimatums when arguing.
Extreme fighting is similar to extreme sports. Athletes who participate in extreme sports do it for the thrill, and the excitement it provides. They like it because of the different kinds of satisfaction it gives and the sense of “high” that it provides. Similarly, some people magnify arguments because it gives them some kind of satisfaction when they think they’ve won the argument, which in all honestly only fuels their egos and not their relationship. They argue in an overly dramatic, fabricated manner that only damages their relationship. Also, some people give ultimatums when in an argument. These ultimatums turn minor misunderstandings into major ones when it is very unnecessary so. For example, when a girl’s boyfriend didn’t call her back when he said he would and she tells him, “Make a false promise again and I will break up with you!” The small problem, which could be solved peacefully, has been completely magnified by the ultimatum.
Giving ultimatums sometimes gives a person some feeling of power over the relationship, and thus makes them feel supposedly better about themselves. This should not happen because both parties have equal control in the relationship, and either person doesn't have to issue an ultimatum when there is no need to. It only makes the argument more dramatic when it could’ve been solved in a more quiet, toned down manner. Both parties should realize that screaming, accusing, and ultimatums don’t solve the problems in the relationship, but a calm conversation would.